The below is a copy of a letter I sent in February of 2021, via snail mail, to all 50 Republican Senators (along with a few choice Democrats, both to have a record of it as well as for their own entertainment purposes) tasked with either upholding or dismissing the House's impeachment of Donald Trump. At the time, nobody would publish it, all of them just a few tick ups the chickenshit meter than the insipid Senators themselves.
Dear (insert your favorite sycophant Senator here),
Good trouble. The recently deceased John Lewis suggested we engage in good trouble in the pursuit of justice, and I intend to do just that. Uncivil disobedience I label it. A blatant euphemism for telling people in high places exactly what I think of them, uncivil disobedience is a direct counter to the lies you all willfully regurgitate in the name of self-interest.
Moreover, if I didn’t tell you how I felt, why, that would make me a liar, and thus no better than liars Washington-wide. The most salient datum of the last four years is that honor is an endangered species. So, I may be crude in my pursuit of uncivil disobedience, but at least I’m honest. In that vein, I’ll begin with a basic axiom: Ex-President Trump is the vilest human being I’ve ever come across, and I’ve been to prison five times.
This is indisputable. Yet quite recently Senator Graham made the claim that Trump is still the leader of the Republican Party. Graham, of course, is the lowliest of sycophants—proof positive of which can be found in his wanton betrayal of his deceased friend, John McCain.
But if you take him seriously in believing that Trump is undeniably your Dear Leader for eternity, what in the fuck does that make you? A toady to the vilest human being on the planet is pretty fucking low. I mean, you just give Uriah Heep a nod toward sainthood.
But Dickensian bootlickers aside, I can read your thoughts: He used the F-word in a very uncivil manner. Heavens. We are offended beyond the capacity to lie further, and do not have to take him seriously; can indeed label him a troll, trash the letter, and go on with our sycophancy uninterrupted.
If, however, you can get over reading the word fuck without peeing all over yourselves in pusillanimity, let’s draw up a more significant analogy. America’s censors, the FCC, had long ago decided that we cannot say the F-word on network television, using child protection as an excuse. We can, however, detail and even partially depict the rape and murder of children and anybody else, all in the name of ratings. According to the American Academy of Family Physicians, “An average American youth will witness 200,000 violent acts on television before age 18,” yet as long as they’re protected from hearing the F-word, everything is Rand’s-ass rosy.
So, now that we’ve established that United States Senators can tolerate the written F-word without melting, let’s take a hard look at the unmitigated prick you all are so willing to betray your constitutional oaths for. A blissfully banal flimflam man, Trump positively percolates lies which then drip, gonorrhea-like, from his tongue, infecting everyone within earshot. Given this, let’s be clear about the rules: deceit is the epitome of incivility. So calling Trump a despotic rope dick is merely a counter to his ceaseless lies and insults; is in fact a stand against incivility because it’s pitting veracity, the height of civility, against mendacity, its notorious low.
And it’s this low which cements your loyalty. A back-handed euphemism for Trump-appeasement is never having to say you’re sorry. For anything. Ever. Not for insurrection, or sexually assaulting, or lying, or race-baiting, or insulting, or robbing the country blind, or even for surrendering your testicles to other low-hanging scrotums like Putin, Jong-un, Duterte, Netanyahu, Maduro, and bin-Salman.
Senator Rubio, who is now calling for unity after backing Trump and his divide-and-conquer jackals at Fox News for four years, sold his huevos to the highest bidder ages ago, as have many of you. Los pobres gringos. No tienen huevos no mas. The reason I know this is that Trump, in legal theory, is guilty of felony murder – both Ashli Babbitt and Capitol Police Officer Brian Sicknick (yeah, that’s right; say his name, mother fuckers) died in the commission of a felony Trump himself ordered. Both Senator Hawley and Senator Cruz have Ivy League law degrees, so they shouldn’t need refreshers on the parameters of felony murder, known more jurisdictionally as murder in the first degree via 18 USC §1111.
For those of you bereft of law degrees, however, please note the following, lifted from the aforementioned federal statute; “Murder is the unlawful killing of a human being with malice aforethought…. or committed in the perpetration of, or attempt to perpetrate, any arson, escape, murder, kidnapping, treason, espionage, sabotage, aggravated sexual abuse or sexual abuse, child abuse, burglary, or robbery.”
Certainly, the least of the afore-listed crimes, burglary, was perpetrated by the trumped-up throng, making Trump, Moe Brooks, and Rudy Giuliani (for starters) indictable for felony murder.
I was once grand jury indicted for burglary, btw. Because, the indictment read, I went into a store with no money on me, it proved intent (intent is everything in criminal law). Ergo, I went into said store with the sole intent to steal something, and so my charge was enhanced from the initial misdemeanor shoplifting to felony third-degree burglary. Unlike Trump, however, I had no armies of lawyers and not a single Senator on my side, so was unceremoniously sentenced to 2 years in an Arizona State Prison. Such is equal protection under the law. Unconstitutionality, a favorite sidestep of Dandy Paul, only crosses your lips when it serves your self-interest.
And the result? You won’t even find Trump guilty for inciting an insurrection played out on national TV; an insurrection perpetrated against yourselves; in your fucking house. I mean, there’s malice aforethought and then there’s mother-fucking malice aforethought. And how can equal justice even function when members of the jury are also co-conspirators? “Nobody is above the law,” I hear you say. What utter bullshit. What’s indisputable, however, is that too fucking many of us are below it. There are two million people in American prisons and every morning I wake up and wonder how its conceivably possible that Trump isn’t one of them.
Senator Roy Blunt, however, claims that Trump learned his lesson. “He touched the hot stove and won’t do it again.”
Let me be blunt, Blunt. First, you’re either a liar or an imbecile.
Second, if you would’ve done your constitutional duty and found him guilty for his first impeachment, those five people would still be alive. Hell, he should’ve been thrown out of office just for destroying the careers of Peter Strzok, Lisa Page, Masha Yovanovitch, Fiona Hill, and Alexander Vindman (to name a few). Civil servants with heaps of dignity and actual fucking spines, unlike you slimy invertebrates.
And third? How does it feel to have American blood on your hands? I mean, how exactly does one spin that for children? Grandchildren? Sunday fucking school?
I too have an Ivy League degree, btw, an MFA, ex post facto the aforementioned burglary and indeed my other criminal charges, which raises a pointed question: Did you guys become criminals before you got your degrees, or after? I’m guessing the latter. It’s better to do it the other way around; be corrupted and find redemption. You silly mother fuckers are ass backwards; go to the finest schools on the planet, then become common criminals while, at the same time, insisting upon decency. But Trump and you bitches in Congress forfeited your right to civility a long time ago. It began with the lie that there’s widespread voter fraud in America, especially in those darkie barrios – a lie that that pissant grifter from Queens is still cashing in on – and culminated when Senator McConnell stole a Supreme Court pick from Barack Obama, violating his oath to uphold the Constitution. In so doing, he surrendered his privilege to be treated courteously. A bit of free speech is, therefore, in order, perhaps insinuating that he’s a calculating, kowtowing, duplicitous, corporate cock sucker because, all modifiers aside, that’s exactly what he is.
Your greatest grift, however, is convincing millions that government doesn’t work, and then engineering this self-fulfilling prophecy into decades of incumbency, including sabotaging the economy before and during a democratic presidency. When it comes to your political ambitions, We the People are mere afterthoughts. According to Tom Nichols of The Atlantic, “The Republicans have gone from being a party that touted virtue to being the most squalid and grubby expression of institutionalized self-interest in the modern history of the American republic.” Or, to put it another way, Congresswoman Liz Cheney has more balls than all you pinche lameculos combined.
Nor is this strictly a Republican grift. You fucks, however, have turned it into an art form. Not once in his eight-years as president did I hear Obama utter Trump’s favorite, self-victimizing refrain: “It’s so unfair.” Yet you let him get away with a seeming endless string of scandals, with the result that, rather than creating a party of hardy individualists, you’ve instead lubed up millions of sniveling limp dicks, many of whom are now angry and armed but not, by design, pointing their weapons at you.
Perhaps the worst vial upon your snake oil sales-shelf, however, is that phony elixir of Christianity you pass around, like a brown bag between winos – particularly the one-dimensional cherry picking of biblical passages that cater to division. Well, here’s another one for you: Proverbs 12:22: Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord. Tell me, Senators, is that the same abomination as being gay, or using birth control? And what about usury? The Bible is most definitely down on usury.
A modern-day interpretation of usury, btw, is that patina of payday-loan-ass glossing your lying lips. Read it slower, Senators. That’s right. You’ll get it.
So, my appeal to you is very simple. Find Trump guilty not of felony murder, but of the lesser inciting an insurrection. In this, at least, you’ll be true to your oaths to defend both the Constitution and We the People, and not to your grubby self-interest. If it costs you an election, well, you’ll survive. But, hey, if it gets too bad, I can get you a job in construction, for reals. I mean, we’re always hiring. Doesn’t pay shit but, you know, you’re always hawking the livability of unlivable wages.
But don’t do it for me or even for yourselves, but for the American people you’re always invoking to prop up your barely discernable vestiges of honor. You know, the proletariat y’all are constantly manipulating with misinformation and outright deceit, like y’all are a bunch of fucking commies. Pass the Pravda, please.
And do it for your colleagues. There were armed insurgents in your very chamber actively hunting liberal members of Congress, egged on by a president who is such a comprehensive pussy he ordered a mob to murder in his name and then slunk away to watch it on TV.
Moreover, many members of Congress get death threats almost daily, and not just because of Trump, but more from your refusal to cut Trump and his foreskins from the body politic with unequivocally whetted denunciations. Have any of you gone over to Speaker Pelosi or AOC or Ilhan Omar or any other member of Congress that’s been so threatened? Offered support? Understanding? Protection? A fucking apology? That would be the honorable thing to do. The American thing to do. As would finding Trump guilty of insurrection, not to mitigate his serial criminality, but to put the lies to rest.
Trump’s highest crime, however, is that, unlike you, he lacks a basic understanding of his country, its people and, most importantly, its declarations—openly holding all three in contempt while lacking even an iota of authority to do so. Rather, he gathers power through deceit, emotion, and self-victimization, none of which are etched into a single law of the land. These are sooner the characteristics of churches, cults, and commies, and if anybody believes Trump gives a farting fuck about any of them are as delusional as those mawkish conspiracy theorists meeping worshipfully at his bogus bone spurs.
Sincerely,
Matthew J. Parker
P.s. I will gladly return to civility and treat you all with the utmost respect the very second you’ve fucking earned it. You can begin by honoring your oaths, speaking the absolute truth, stop suppressing the vote, and cease embracing these fucking lunatics.
P.p.s. “Few people are able to express opinions that dissent from the prejudices of their social group. The majority are even incapable of forming such opinions at all.”
~ Albert Einstein